The Introduction

Always important, yet often overlooked.  The FIRST BLOG!

And what better way to get this thing started than to tell you all about myself and why I'm writing a blog.

This blog is my way of discussing BDSM, kinks, and so forth in complete privacy without friends, family and (more importantly) work colleagues seeing it.  It's a shame, really, that many of us in the lifestyle can't be more open with 'vanillas', thanks to the negative press we tend to get.

In many respects, I see the BDSM lifestyle as homosexuality was seen back in the 50's and earlier.  It's there but the fear and labels stop many of us from being 'out of the closet' as such.  I think it will get easier (and for all it's faults, books like '50 Shades of Grey' help to bring the lifestyle into mainstream) but for the time being, we remain hidden.

That's not to say that being hidden doesn't have it's advantages.  I'm not one for shoving my interests down people's throats and it's nice to not have to keep justifying what I like.  When it's 'our dirty little secret' it's somehow more of a turn-on.

But back to me.

I've been into BDSM for about 12 years now.  Like many others, I started by watching porn, saw some BDSM porn and was immediately hooked.  So I watched more, read up on more, joined message boards...  Got talking to a sub who was a couple of years younger than me and similarly needed training.  So we trained together, explored limits (initially online but then in person).

We both loved it.  Distance played a part in our split but I was on my way to being a Dom.  The next sub was online again and she was trained.  Perhaps she played me, I'm still not sure but she hurt me quite badly and made me question the lifestyle.  STUPIDLY I rebounded into a vanilla relationship, which developed into marriage (I won't go into the ins and outs of why it failed but it wasn't JUST because I wanted to get back into BDSM and she hated the idea - yes I did ask!) but after that, I knew I was a Dom.  I HAD to be a Dom.  Anything less was never going to be enough now.

I was, so to speak, out of the closet (to myself, if not to the public) and the rest is history.

But how would I describe myself, Dom-wise?  Well, I think my biggest plus point is that I'm very patient.  You hear SO many stories of potential subs that have had bad experiences with Doms (and worse, fake Doms) where they've been rushed, or pushed into doing things before they were ready.  Communication is vital (and probably why I personally prefer to speak to subs online before meeting them in real life) and it sets limits, establishes boundaries, gets you to know the person you're going to commit to.  No two subs are the same and likewise, all Doms/Masters are different too, all with their own limits and preferences.  It then becomes a matter of ticking boxes.

I'm also very attentive; I pay attention - which is rare in men, let alone Doms, so I'm told.

Being honest, I haven't really explored my sadistic side overly much but it's something I would like to do, with the right sub.

I don't really have limits (other than those covered by the law) but I wouldn't take advantage of any sub that was inebriated or otherwise not in control of their faculties (except where they agreed to it beforehand).

I don't want to live the lifestyle 24/7.  Just in the bedroom is fine for me.  Whilst I'm very Dominant in the bed room, outside I am equally minded.  I like sharing duties, being a gentleman.  It's the Jeckyl & Hyde nature of it, I think.

I'm going to wrap this up now, I hate talking about myself, but felt it worth letting anyone that reads this know a bit more about me.  If you have any questions, use my Formspring account, or follow me on Twitter.

Talk soon!

-K-