So I was talking to a lady recently, a submissive, who I was hoping might be interested in becoming my sub.
Many things were said and hinted at that made that scenario unlikely at best, but that's fine. It happens. But the one thing that she said to me that really made me think was, "I'm very shallow".
Shallow: adjective. superficial - shoal - perfunctory - skin-deep - cursory
One of the things that appealed about a lifestyle in BDSM and still holds true to my ethics and values is that it's very much a level playing field. At least it is for me.
When you consider that when people in our lifestyle are looking for like-minded people, you're already at a disadvantage with the majority of people at best not interested or, at worst, repulsed by our kinks and fetishes. It seems strange to me that someone who is, apparently, serious about being a submissive is so ready to limit their choices even more by being 'shallow'.
Perhaps I'm alone in this, but looks are not my main 'thing'. Sure there needs to be an attraction, but it's always been 'mental' connections first and foremost. Age, aswell, doesn't necessarily need to be an issue. I'm nearly 37 and have had subs aged from 22 to 44. They have been all shapes and sizes. They may not all have been 'beautiful' in the media sense of the word but their submissive natures made me look past any perceived flaws.
Hearing them say "Yes Sir" turned me on more than seeing a topless Megan Fox (although, if such pictures exist, I would appreciate them e-mailed...)
So can you be 'Shallow' and have a successful BDSM experience? Yes, but you would need to be very VERY lucky. You're more likely to wind up having someone that may say they're 'sub' or 'Dom' but in reality have just seen it in porn, or a book and think they know all about it.
Fakers or liars are just as likely to turn you off the lifestyle as anything, putting your trust in them, and suffering a bad experience (as many have). So why take that risk?
Getting to know each other, no matter how they look, is fun. It really is.
I don't believe in there being 'the perfect partner' because everyone's different. But I do believe in there being someone 'perfect for you' and it might be someone completely different to how you view your dream guy or girl.
Personally, I love dark hair, blue eyes, curves... But if a blonde, brown eyed, stick thin girl came along that connected with me mentally, I wouldn't turn her down. But this 'Shallow' girl would. Unless she is attracted to him physically (and he needs to be a muscle bound gym freak) then she wouldn't be interested.
I'm not any of those things. All I have to offer is my sense of humour, my experience, my personality... If that's not enough, then I will walk away. As hard as it is.
I wish her luck though. She's a tough cookie and hopefully she won't have too many bad experiences, or settles for less than the best.
But by the time she realises what she could have had, I will be gone.
Shallowness claims another victim.
-K-
