It's been a while since I've blogged. Totally my fault; a mixture of writers block, dead laptops, loss of passwords, and relationships has meant that I have severely neglected this place. However, a recent discussion regarding 50 Shades of Grey has kinda got my creative juices flowing again, and I thought it best to strike while the iron was hot.
What is it about the books that have made them SO popular? I mean, it's not like they're the first books involving kinky shenanigans. Hell, the Marquis de Sade was producing stories hundreds of years ago. Even more recently, the Story of O (1954) and the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy (mid-80s) have been out, just as examples. There are many, many more. Something in the books caught the mood of the world just at the right time, the zeitgeist, if you will...
The obvious (yet little known) reason could be the connection to the simply awful Twilight books. 50 Shades started out as harmless fan-fiction with Bella and Edward (even the writing of their names is embarrassing to me…) and it grew from there. Never discount how popular those god-awful books were. And those films!
I should, at this point, make it perfectly clear that I have NEVER read the 50 Shades books. Nor the Twilight books for that matter (because I have a penis). So take everything I say with copious pinches of salt. If you’ve never read them either, all power to you. You’ve not missed much. Apparently.
But anyway, I was asked, “What do you, as a Dom, think of the 50 Shades novels?”
So I got to thinking. Having only ever read snippets, and heard many testimonies, both in favour and against, what DO I think of them? I had many conflicting opinions...
In Favour
Well, the obvious one is that thanks to the books, BDSM is now more in the mainstream than it has ever been. Spanking, light bondage, etc has become almost acceptable, as it should be.
I've often regarded it as being similar to homosexuality in the 60s or 70s, where you know it exists but it's considered wrong. It’s shameful. You didn't dare exclaim you're gay or you get beaten, mocked or ignored. Now of course, if someone says they're gay, no-one bats an eyelid, and rightly so. It’s no-one else’s business but theirs. If you don’t like or agree with homosexuality, don’t be a homosexual. Let them be what they want to be, and you be whatever you want. If only the same courtesy could be extended to those of us involved with BDSM.
You’re gay? Great!
You like to be chained up or whipping your sub? You’re a pervert, feel shame!
It really annoys me that we are really, the final ‘taboo’ to achieve acceptance, but I think it’ll happen. The 50 Shades books make the first step, the rest is up to us.
Against
The BDSM contained within the books is just such a badly researched and poorly
executed version that you have to wonder why anyone thought that even publishing the books was a worthwhile idea. The protagonists are miles far away from an authentic Dom/sub relationship and in many cases, it swings into just pure abuse, mental and physical. Grey is a control freak and not in the good way. No Dom would ever read his sub’s diary without permission, or just be an ignorant arsehole to her.
The mantra for BDSM, for those who don’t know, is “SSC”. Safe, Sane and
Consensual. From Wikipedia:
The principles are that BDSM activities should be:
- safe: attempts should be made to identify and prevent risks to health
- sane: activities should be undertaken in a sane and sensible frame of mind
- consensual: all activities should involve the full consent of all parties involved.
(Yes, I know RACK could also apply but let’s just run with SSC for now, yeah?)
Like I said earlier, I’ve not read the books, but a quick few seconds of research turns up the following:
1 – Grey uses a tracking device to find Ana via her mobile in the first few chapters of the book. He finds her drunk and takes her home, undressing her while she’s totally intoxicated and virtually unconscious. He then tells her he’ll be keeping tabs on her.... Seriously. This is not a Dom, this is a future abuser.
2 – Aftercare is a huge part of BDSM. A Dom will always ensure his sub is comforted if necessary, as BDSM scenes can be (as you can imagine) very intense, and the sub could feel highly emotional, scared, maybe even traumatised, especially when new to the lifestyle. So what does Grey do to Ana, after her first spanking session? He ups and leaves. Seriously. This is not a Dom, this is a disrespectful bully.
3 – Quite aside from the earlier examples (being stripped while barely conscious, tracing her mobile without permission, etc) there are so many examples of Grey completely dismissing or ignoring the need for Ana’s consent that it’s clear that he has NO concept of ‘consent’. Bear in mind, Ana was a virgin before she met Grey; she has no idea of anything sexual, other than what he’s shown her. She doesn’t even masturbate. Rather than discuss her desires, her issues, her limits, he issues her with a contract which he insists she signs, regardless of if she likes it or not. She’s barely been introduced to sex, let alone BDSM. He also, later on, blatantly ignores her usage of a safeword. Seriously.
The mere writing of all that has pissed me off. And I’ve not even mentioned the poor prose within the book. Some examples:
"I can almost hear his sphinx-like smile through the phone."
"I flush at the waywardness of my subconscious - she's doing her happy dance in a bright red hula skirt at the thought of being his."
"My very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba."
"I feel the colour in my cheeks rising again. I must be the colour of The Communist Manifesto."
"And from a very tiny, underused part of my brain - probably located at the base of my medulla oblongata near where my subconscious dwells - comes the thought: He's here to see you."
Utterly ridiculous. And this woman is now a multi-millionaire? Urgh.
So, in conclusion... It’s a wasted opportunity. Imagine if 50 Shades was written by someone that actually gave a damn about being accurate to the ethos and structures of BDSM? Imagine if all the millions of readers were learning the way a REAL Dom and a REAL sub interacted and behaved, rather than the ‘abusive stalker’ and ‘willing victim’ that the books portray.
In many ways it feels like we’ve taken one step forward, and two back. But the step forward is at least positive and must be followed up. But let’s hope the 50 Shades film doesn’t push things back further...
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